Step one: the MIAM

Every mediation starts with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) — a one-to-one meeting with one of our Berkshire-based mediators, held in person or online. In this meeting, we'll:

• Ask about your personal circumstances

• Explain how mediation works

• Talk through the alternatives available to you

• Decide together whether mediation is right for you

Then, mediation itself

Mediation typically takes 2 to 4 sessions, depending on your circumstances. Together, you and your former partner will explore the options available to resolve the issues between you.

Mediation isn't a substitute for legal advice, and we'd encourage you to get some independent legal advice alongside it, to help you weigh up your options.

It's also a confidential process. That means you can speak freely and explore all the options, knowing that if mediation doesn't work out, nothing discussed can be used against you in court.

At Kite Family Mediation, we offer the practical help, information and compassion you may need at a difficult time.

It's an increasingly popular alternative to asking a court to make decisions for your family. It works by helping you find practical solutions that feel fair to you both.

Mediation isn't about getting back together. It's a chance to talk directly to each other, with the guidance of a trained professional, and work out what matters most to you both going forward.

Family mediation is…

• Voluntary

• Impartial

• Confidential

• Focused on your children

• Future focused

• A process where you make the decisions

Family mediation is not…

• Counselling or therapy

• Marriage guidance

• A substitute for legal advice

• An opportunity to impose your view on your former partner

No — mediation itself is always voluntary. But most divorcing and separating couples in England and Wales who want to go to court must first show they've attended a MIAM. If you try mediation and it doesn't work, you won't be asked to explain why, or who ended it.

• You have more say. In court, a judge decides. In mediation, you and your former partner do.

• It's less stressful.

• If you have children, we can help you find ways to keep parenting together well.

• It supports the relationships that matter — for you and your wider family.

• It can improve how you communicate with your ex-partner.

• It's quicker and cheaper, helping you move forward with your life sooner.

Going to court, or arbitration, hands the decisions to someone else. Family mediation recognises that you are the experts on your own family, and leaves the decisions with you.

Rather than negotiating through lawyers, mediation lets you speak directly to each other — to explain how you feel and what matters most. That keeps the focus on the issues that really matter to your family, with your mediator offering impartial guidance, legal information, and help testing your ideas against reality.

Talking about what happens after a separation or divorce can be stressful and upsetting. Mediation gives you a safe space to work through differences at your own pace.

Our mediators are trained to look out for signs of domestic abuse or anything else that might make things especially difficult. If we don't believe you'll be safe, we won't proceed with joint mediation — and we can offer shuttle mediation if being in the same room feels like too much.

Here are some of the issues we deal with every day:

• Where children will live, and with whom

• Arrangements for children to spend time with both parents

• Communication between parents

• Health issues

• Handovers

• Schooling and out-of-school activities

• Holidays and special days (birthdays, Christmas, and so on)

• Parenting plans

• Religious and cultural issues

• Maintenance — who pays what, how much, and for how long

• Extended family and friendships

• Step-family issues

• Relocation abroad, and how to protect a child's relationship with family who stay behind

• Changes to arrangements as children grow up

• The family home — including the mortgage or rental agreement, and its contents

• Cars and other valuable items

• Bank accounts, building society accounts and savings

• Pensions and insurance policies

• Your divorce

The Family Mediation Council (FMC) is a not-for-profit organisation that maintains a professional register of family mediators. It doesn't provide mediation itself, or recommend any particular provider.

Every FMC Registered Mediator is trained to a set standard. They:

• Follow the FMC's Code of Practice

• Hold relevant insurance

• Carry out ongoing training and professional development

• Receive proper supervision and support

• Are required to have a complaints process

The Family Mediation Standards Board (FMSB) operates independently of the FMC, running its registration and accreditation processes, along with its complaints and disciplinary appeals process.